What Is a Victim Mentality?

A victim mentality is a persistent mindset of powerlessness, where someone feels that life happens to them rather than with or through their choices. It often manifests in:

• Blame: Attributing struggles entirely to others or external circumstances.
• Passivity: Feeling stuck or resigned to challenges without seeking solutions.
• Defensiveness: Avoiding accountability or constructive feedback.

For clergy, this mindset can be especially tempting. Ministry comes with unique pressures: constant demands, criticism, and responsibilities that can feel overwhelming. When these pressures pile up, it’s easy to fall into cycles of frustration and helplessness.

What Is Vulnerability?

In contrast, vulnerability is the courageous choice to embrace honesty and openness, even in the face of uncertainty. It involves:

• Emotional Honesty: Sharing true feelings, including fears and doubts.
• Accountability: Owning your role in situations while remaining open to support.
• Growth Mindset: Seeing struggles as opportunities for connection and transformation.

While vulnerability also involves acknowledging challenges, it is a pathway to healing and empowerment rather than stagnation. Vulnerability allows clergy to model authenticity and grace, demonstrating that struggles are part of the spiritual journey.

Why People Confuse Victim Mentality with Vulnerability

The confusion between these two concepts often stems from surface-level similarities:

• Acknowledging Hardships: Both involve facing difficulties and emotions.
• Emotional Expression: Sharing struggles, whether from a place of powerlessness or openness, can look alike externally.
• Fear of Judgment: Vulnerability might be misinterpreted as weakness, particularly in environments that value strength and independence.

However, the key difference lies in intention and outcome:

How to Shift from Victim Mentality to Vulnerability

Breaking free from the victim mentality doesn’t mean denying struggles. It’s about reclaiming agency while embracing the courage to be vulnerable. Here are steps to make that shift:

1. Recognize the Patterns
   • Pay attention to recurring thoughts like, “Why is this happening to me?” or “I can’t do anything about this.”
   • Replace these with questions like, “What can I learn from this?” or “What steps can I take now?”
2. Take Ownership
   • Avoid blaming others or external circumstances. Focus on what you can control, even if it’s just your reaction to the situation.
   • Example: Instead of saying, “No one helps with church events,” say, “How can I better communicate the need for support?”
3. Practice Vulnerability
   • Share your struggles authentically with trusted peers, mentors, or congregations. Frame challenges as part of your growth journey, not as insurmountable problems.
   • Example: “This has been a challenging season, but I trust that God is guiding me through it.”
4. Reframe Challenges
   • Shift your narrative from victimhood to empowerment by focusing on what the situation is teaching you or how it’s helping you grow.
   • Example: Instead of, “I failed at this project,” try, “This experience taught me what doesn’t work and how I can improve next time.”
5. Build a Support System
   • Surround yourself with people who encourage growth and accountability. Share your goals and struggles in safe spaces where vulnerability is valued.
6. Lean into Spiritual Practices
   • Use prayer, meditation, and Scripture to process emotions and find strength. Reflect on biblical figures like Moses or Paul, who faced struggles with both vulnerability and faith.

Practical Reflection Questions

To further explore your mindset, consider these questions:

1. When faced with a challenge, do I focus more on what’s beyond my control or on steps I can take to address it?
2. How do I process feelings of frustration or disappointment, and do I allow myself to be vulnerable with others?
3. What patterns or beliefs might contribute to a sense of helplessness, and how can I reframe them to see opportunities for growth?

Conclusion

The journey from a victim mentality to vulnerability is one of empowerment, growth, and connection. By embracing vulnerability, clergy can model authenticity and resilience, leading their congregations with greater compassion and strength. Remember, being vulnerable isn’t a weakness—it’s a pathway to deeper relationships and spiritual transformation.

Listen to the Clergy Wellness Podcast episode, “Are You A Victim?”

As we approach the end of the year, I find myself reflecting on the lessons I’ve learned throughout my 30+ years in ministry. This week, as I coached 11 pastors and church leaders, I was reminded of some truths I’ve picked up along the way. These lessons weren’t always learned easily—some came through the school of hard knocks, others through God’s grace—but all have shaped the way I approach ministry today.

Here are five lessons that I believe will resonate with anyone leading in the local church today.

1. Teach Your Congregation to Appreciate You

Let’s face it: many pastors feel underappreciated. It’s part of the nature of the work. Churches often focus on what’s not working, and pastors can feel like they’re never quite enough—not young enough, experienced enough, caring enough, or strong enough as leaders.

October is Pastor Appreciation Month, but not every church acknowledges it. Some pastors hesitate to bring it up, thinking it’s self-serving. I’ve learned that teaching your congregation to appreciate you is not about inflating your ego—it’s about building a healthier church culture.

Here’s why appreciation matters:

• It strengthens unity. When a congregation comes together to celebrate their pastor, it fosters a positive, supportive culture.
• It recognizes the challenges of ministry. Pastors juggle preaching, counseling, administration, and leadership. Acknowledgment helps congregations see the effort behind the scenes.
• It sets a biblical example. Scripture encourages honoring those who lead (1 Timothy 5:17).

But appreciation isn’t just about words—it’s also about actions. A yearly raise, for example, is a tangible way for churches to show their gratitude. Unfortunately, studies show that women clergy often receive lower salaries than their male counterparts, with disparities that can add up to significant differences over a lifetime. Advocating for fair compensation benefits you and the pastors who will follow you.

Teaching your congregation to value their pastor—both through words and actions—creates a culture of gratitude that benefits the entire church.

2. Always Savor the Good and Make It a Big Deal

Life and ministry can be heavy, and it’s easy to get bogged down in what isn’t working. That’s why it’s crucial to celebrate the good and make it a big deal. Celebrations not only lift spirits but also create momentum and excitement in the church.

I once served a church that grew younger and busier with weddings and baby showers. When someone wondered if the older members were tired of hosting all these celebrations, one senior member quickly replied, “Do you know how much better it is to celebrate weddings and baby showers than funerals?” That perspective stuck with me.

Celebrating the good doesn’t have to be complicated. At the start of the new year, consider dedicating the first four weeks to looking back at God’s work in your church over the past year. Decorate your space, share testimonies during worship, and hold a potluck where people can share what they’re grateful for.

This approach changes the atmosphere of a congregation. I’ve seen it lead to:

• More consistent attendance
• Greater confidence in the church’s mission
• Increased invites and visitors
• A renewed sense of God’s presence

Don’t let the challenges overshadow the victories. Celebrate them—and do it loudly.

3. Money Is (Usually) Not the Issue

Churches often talk about financial struggles, but the real issue is rarely a lack of money. Studies show that many church members tip the church rather than tithe. People often spend more at Starbucks than they give to their church.

So why do financial challenges persist? In my experience, it’s often about:

1. Lack of excitement for the ministry.
2. Lack of trust in leadership.
3. Lack of understanding about the budget’s needs.
4. Lack of communication about how funds are being used.
5. Lack of acknowledgment of people’s giving.

At one church I served, I sent handwritten thank-you notes with each quarterly giving statement. That small gesture had a big impact—giving increased every year. People want to feel their contributions matter, and a simple “thank you” can go a long way.

If money is tight, ask why. Is it a trust issue? A communication gap? Knowing the real problem frees you to address it effectively.

4. Only You Can Take Care of You

There was a time in my ministry when I acted like a machine, pouring all my energy into serving others while neglecting myself. I learned the hard way that only I can take care of me.

I once spoke with a pastor who had a whole team supporting his well-being: a spiritual director, coach, therapist, food delivery service, and house cleaner. He knew that to serve well, he needed to be well.

Over the years, I’ve built my own “self-care team,” which has included:

• A coach
• Regular massages
• Retreats and quiet time
• A hobbies budget
• Therapy when needed
• Time in my garden

The basics matter too: good sleep, healthy food, and taking vacations. These things aren’t luxuries—they’re essential for long-term ministry.

And let’s be honest: many of us carry guilt about prioritizing ourselves. We tell ourselves, “The church needs me,” or “I don’t have time to rest.” But self-care isn’t selfish—it’s faithful stewardship of the life God has given you.

5. It’s About Progress, Not Perfection

Ministry is full of challenges, and it’s easy to focus on what hasn’t been achieved. But I’ve learned that progress—no matter how small—is worth celebrating.

Sometimes, we set arbitrary goals: 100 in worship, five new families, a balanced budget. When we fall short, we feel like failures, even if we’ve made significant progress.

Here’s the truth:

• If worship attendance grows from 70 to 90, that’s worth celebrating.
• If one new family joins, that’s a win.

I’ve missed opportunities to celebrate progress because I was too focused on perfection. But ministry, like life, is a journey. Ignoring progress won’t get you to your goal faster, but it will make the journey harder.

As the year ends, take time to reflect on the progress you’ve made—in your church, your personal life, and your faith. Celebrate it, and let it inspire you as you look toward what’s next.

Wrapping Up

These lessons from the school of hard knocks have shaped how I approach ministry:

1. Teach your congregation to appreciate you.
2. Savor the good and make it a big deal.
3. Money is (usually) not the issue.
4. Only you can take care of you.
5. It’s about progress, not perfection.

Next week, I’ll share more insights as we continue preparing for the new year. Until then, take time to reflect, celebrate, and care for yourself. You’ve got this!

Setting expectations and dreaming big as we move into the new year can shift your approach to life. It may sound corny, but this mindset isn’t just about wishing—it’s about planning, taking action, and staying open to the possibilities ahead.

So, what can you do this week to prepare for the best year of your life?

The Power of Year-End Planning

I’m a big fan of year-end planning. This time of year, I dive into resources and wisdom from experts like Brendon Burchard, Mel Robbins, Glo Atanmo, and Michael Hyatt. Their insights, combined with my own experiences, guide me as I reflect, dream, and plan for the year ahead.

Whether you have time to sit down with a notebook or are catching this on the go, here are actionable ideas to help you approach 2025 with clarity and intention.

Step 1: Find the Right Planner

Planners have always been my favorite tool for organizing a new year. From childhood, when I’d spend the week between Christmas and New Year filling out birthdays and goals, to today, I’ve always loved the structure a good planner provides.

This year, I’ve experimented with a few planners:

• St. Belford Planner: Beautiful but a bit too bulky for my needs.
• Timeboxing Planner by Action Day: Functional but not durable. Amazon Affiliate Link (I earn a small commission).
• Abide Planner: My current pick for 2025, offering both structure and sturdiness.

If you’re searching for the perfect planner, here are some options to explore:

• 2025 Liturgical Daily Planner by Angelus Press – A faith-focused option with stunning artwork.
• Digital Minister Planner by BreezyOrganization (Etsy) – Perfect for tech-savvy clergy.
• Action Planner by Productive Pastor – Ideal for ministry-focused planning.
• Full Focus Planner by Michael Hyatt – A robust option for goal-setting. (Amazon Affiliate Link – I earn a small commission)

Remember, it’s okay to switch planners mid-year if something isn’t working. Flexibility is key.

Step 2: Choose a Theme Word for the Year

If you’re short on planning time, choosing a theme word for the year is a simple yet powerful way to focus your intentions. Your theme word becomes your North Star, guiding your actions and decisions.

Here are some theme word ideas for pastors:

• Renewal
• Hope
• Discipleship
• Community
• Grace

For individuals, consider words like:

• Balance
• Growth
• Mindfulness
• Courage

Once you’ve chosen your word, keep it front and center with visual reminders, journaling, or daily affirmations.

Step 3: Reflect and Plan

To make 2025 your best year yet, reflect on the past and dream about the future. Michael Hyatt’s five-step process in Your Best Year Ever provides a helpful framework:

1. Believe in Possibilities: Challenge limiting beliefs and embrace an abundant mindset.
2. Complete the Past: Process disappointments, celebrate achievements, and express gratitude.
3. Design Your Future: Write down specific, measurable, and meaningful goals.
4. Find Your Why: Clarify your motivations to stay focused and inspired.
5. Make It Happen: Take small, consistent steps and adapt as needed.

Step 4: Focus on What Matters

Brendon Burchard identifies four innate human desires that drive fulfillment:

• Aliveness: Feeling inspired and motivated.
• Deep Connections: Building meaningful relationships.
• Meaningful Pursuits: Spending time on what matters most.
• Growth: Taking steps forward in skills, relationships, and learning.

Reflect on these desires as you set goals for 2025.

Step 5: Track Your Progress

Once your plans are in place, find a system that helps you stay accountable. Whether it’s a planner, app, or vision board, consistency is key. I use the Way of Life app to track daily habits like scripture reading, prayer, exercise, and healthy eating.

Closing Thoughts

As we wrap up, I hope you feel inspired to approach 2025 with clarity, hope, and purpose. Whether you’re choosing a theme word, setting goals, or simply reflecting on the possibilities, remember: the best year of your life won’t happen by chance—it’s something you can design with intention.

Start small, stay focused, and adapt as the year unfolds. Every step, no matter how small, moves you closer to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

Happy New Year!

I want to start with a little bit of history.

In my life, coaching has been an essential thing since about the year 2001. In 2001, I hired my first coach, and my coach was somebody I found by googling clergy coach, and Rochelle Melander, her name popped up. She was a pastor, and she had written many books, and I reached out to her, and we worked together on and off for about ten years.

So, I reached out for coaching because I was reading many different kinds of books as I was younger in ministry, and one of the things I noticed was that people were starting to use coaches. And so, I wondered if there were ministry coaches, and I thought that might help me because I was in a new season in the church I was serving.

We were in a season where we would start a new worship service, which was a ton of work on top of leading a growing church and being a young mom. And so, I found myself not sleeping, too often frustrated, and not wanting to dump all my stress on my husband and child, and I was also looking for somebody who had been there. Someone who knew about the experiences of being a local church pastor. Someone who had walked these roads and had some wisdom in that.

Rochelle was a fabulous coach, and she probably saved my life.

Now, I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but the next church was even more complicated after that first church. My coach offered a lot of wisdom, insight, and just a lot of holding space for me to share what was going on, and without her, I don’t know what I would have done. She was a godsend to me at that season of my life. 

Now, after Rochelle, I worked with a wide range of coaches and sought out different coaches depending on what I needed. In my last four years, I hired a large church pastor to be my coach since I was serving a church of 500 members.

Now, these days, I get coached every week. That’s right. Every single week, I have a coaching appointment, and I find that it’s what helps me move forward and helps me move forward with some more awareness and some more confidence, no matter what is going on, either personally or professionally.

Today I want to share a little bit with you about coaching and encourage you to consider if you need a coach’s support because there are many great coaches out there. Having a coach, like having a doctor and getting my haircut, is one of the things that I do that lets me function as my best self. Let’s talk a little bit about what coaching is.

Coaching, in its purest form, enables us to grow in the ways we want to grow. Coaching helps us move in the direction that we want to move in. Yes, we could get there on our own, but coaching offers us the shortcut because it offers us the opportunity to travel with someone else, and that helps us to achieve and dream, and grow more quickly without as many seasons of stumbling around in the dark.

Coaching supports us in becoming who we want to be by building awareness, exploring roadblocks, and helping us as we stay the course. 

Coaching is used for a variety of things: It’s used to grow some skills to share burdens, to brainstorm ideas, to hold one accountable to goals and commitments, to help one think more deeply about life and about what really matters.

Strictly speaking, coaching differs from other things we might be familiar with, like mentoring, counseling, or consulting. Mentoring and consulting can be part of coaching. I know that they are part of my skill set as a coach. The coaching in its purest form is grounded in something different, and this difference matters.

So, what is this difference? The most significant difference is that coaching focuses on the belief that you do know. Coaching is grounded in the understanding that your inner wisdom, your inner knowing, is accurate and it can be trusted. You are the expert in knowing what is best for you. You are the authority in coaching.

A mentor is someone who shares information about what they know. So, the mentor is the authority. It is the same with consultants; they are the authority. Both mentoring and consulting are helpful, but coaching says that your agency, your wisdom, and not someone else’s experience is foundational.

And let’s be honest here for a minute. Most of us don’t do what others tell us. People give us advice all the time, but most of the time, we don’t take it. We step forward when we’ve come to an understanding within ourselves when we’ve seen it and come to it on our own. So, a coach can help us explore a situation, explore our thoughts and circumstances, and then help us come to our deep understanding of what is next and where we need to act. I also like to look at coaching from a faith standpoint as well, and here’s what I mean by that.

As people of faith, we often talk about the power of the Holy Spirit that lives within us. This is God’s power and wisdom that lives in us and is available to us all. Coaching turns the light on that, and it says that, even in the midst of all that squeezes it out, the rush of life, others’ needs, even our desires to be successful, there is that inner wisdom that light of God that is with went in us and coaching helps us listen to that internal knowledge, to that Holy Spirit. In coaching, we are asked questions, helped to see connections, and given real insights into our own lives.

A coach helps facilitate all of this by creating a space where we can be deeply heard. This was initially so powerful for me in coaching, and it continues to be an essential piece of coaching. So, whether I would have a 40-minute session or an hour session, depending on the length, I had an opportunity to share what was going on to be heard by another human being, whose job it was to really listen, to really hear what I was saying and then to reflect it back to me.

This helped me here and put things together in various ways I didn’t even see until that conversation. Just today, I was talking with the coach about a missed opportunity, and she asked me why it bothered me, and I thought about it and realized something about my motives. This was something I would not have seen as quickly without her help. 

Some of the most powerful experiences I’ve had in coaching have been when a coach has reflected back to me things that I said that I didn’t even hear myself saying. Bringing those things to my attention has allowed me to listen to my own stress, anxiety, or concerns that maybe I was just pushing to the side, unaware of. That listening piece in coaching is often called “holding space” for others, and it makes coaching very different from many of our conversations.

Most of our conversations are a give-and-take, and if we share some difficulty or challenge in our life, we look toward a friend who will jump in and share their thoughts and opinions on what we should do and what has happened. Coaches don’t do that. Coaches listen and reflect back to us, and this has real power. 

That’s a little bit about coaching in general. I want to discuss what coaching can do for clergy, and I have three things to share.

First, coaching can help us with a skill gap. 

While coaching in its purest form doesn’t focus on teaching new skills. In practice, most coaches work with folks who are dealing with a skill gap. 

So, suppose you are moving from seminary to being an associate pastor. In that case, you have a skill gap, or if you’re moving from being an associate pastor to a solo pastor, you have a skill gap, or if you’re moving from doing fresh expressions or a new church start to moving into part-time parish ministry, you have a skill gap. If you’re running your first stewardship campaign or dealing with your fallout at your first church, or planning your first church planning retreat, you may have a skill gap.

Now, you can read some books and do some googling which I hope you do, but if you have a coach, you can also get some training on a skill you need for ministry. 

We all have skill gaps, and an experienced coach can help. In my years working with coaches, I have learned how to raise money better, deal with difficult people, and organize my time better than I had been able to come up with on my own. Skill gaps are expected, and a coach can help. 

Now, of course, you want to coach that has skills in these areas. So, knowing your coach’s background helps. But here’s a thing about coaching, I have experienced things with coaches where they may not have had the exact skill I was looking for, but as they asked me questions, it tapped into some things that I did know, but I didn’t realize I knew where I had forgotten. This is one of the beauties of coaching; it helps us look at our forgotten inner wisdom.

I have found coaching helpful after I’ve gone to a conference. I usually come back with some notebooks when I go to a conference. Some things I’ve learned, and sometimes I don’t know where to begin. So, I have had too many conferences where those notebooks in that learning have just gone up on a shelf. When I take this to a coaching session, I have had the space to unpack these learnings, and the conference has paid off significantly.  

Also, a coach who specializes in ministry will love to read and gather information on the latest trends and then share that knowledge with those they coach. I read three church trend newsletters a week and interrupted my podcast earlier today because Amazon was delivering a book on church ministry I’d been waiting for all week. So, coaches can help with skill gaps.

Second, coaches can give you the support you need to do ministry. Parish ministry can be lonely. Often, we can feel the burden of ministry, and we don’t want to dump all those things on family or friends and our supervisor, and in my case, a district superintendent may have enough on their plate. So, we don’t even pick up the phone. 

Where do we go when we can share what is going on? When can we get a second pair of eyes on something? When can we hear from someone who will listen and keep things in confidence?

Coaching has always been an excellent support for my ministry. I don’t know what I would have done without it. With all my years having a coach, I have been able to struggle with my coaches, cry amid challenging times, rejoice for what God is doing, and give thanks for everything I’ve witnessed in the local church. My coaches have made a safe space for me, and in times of crisis, they have resourced me and given me unconditional support.

In addition, Rochelle gave me support as I was setting ministry goals, working through difficult choices, and learning how to find balance in my ministry as a mom, wife, daughter, and pastor. Her support helped me set boundaries and process guilt when I felt it. She helped me to see what I needed to do in my ministry in a more balanced way. And she helped me listen to my body when it reminded me that I wasn’t a machine with unlimited energy. We all need a place to process; coaching has always done that for me.

And last, coaching is essential when I have a belief gap. Now, what is a belief gap? A belief gap is a gap between what I’d like to believe about myself, my congregation, and our possibilities and where I may find myself on any random Monday morning. That gap can last for 30 minutes or 30 days, three months, or even longer. We all need help filling that gap.

A recent article I just read called Seven Ministry Insights, Pastors Wished They’d Known Sooner. The article spoke about the importance of personal development in ministry. I agree because it’s easy to fall into a belief gap and feel discouragement, despair, and cynicism in ministry.

We need an ongoing commitment to those things that help us believe, that help us stay on the path. I have found that I need to believe harder than anyone else in ministry. I’ve had to believe that God wasn’t done with us yet. I’ve had to believe that we could grow. I’ve had to believe that the money would show up, and I have needed someone to help me grow my belief. We are all going to go through times of doubt. We’re all going to fall into times where we feel like, what is the point of this anyway, and coaching helps us with our belief gap. I have always needed a place to go where I can work on my stuff, my doubts, my fears, my taking it personally, and my own feeling that things are out to get me, and coaches have helped me. They’ve helped me separate fact from a bad mood, low sleep, and discouragement and have reminded me who I am and why I do what I do.

I have needed help believing in myself and finding my confidence; coaching has helped me. So, coaches can help with skill gaps. They can give you the support you need and help you with belief gaps.

What are some of the other things that you might work on in coaching? 

One thing that I see a lot more of these days is vocational discernment. I have found that I always have two or three pastors I’m working with who are wondering if they are at a point where they need a career change. It could be hard to figure something this big out on our own. We may want to avoid involving other people who may worry and stress about this, so the coach can help.

I recently did some training around this topic, and I realized that while moving out of ministry is often a huge piece of vocational discernment for clergy; there are lots of little ones that happen a lot more often, things like moving to a new church or starting or ending a new ministry. Also, I find that coaching is helpful when we are looking at having a team at the church and helping them move to the next level. For example, I coach churches looking to do social media or take their social media to the next level. That could be a volunteer team or a church staff who directs communication or online campus for their church.

This kind of coaching is often different. It’s often richer in giving information, and it’s often shorter and more sessions at the beginning as people build skills. Now, of course, coaching focuses on things you’d think about, like church growth, deepening ones preaching, growing one spiritual life, and learning how to manage people and projects. It all depends on the needs and the coach.

What else would be helpful to know about coaching? One of the things people often don’t know is coaches usually work on a 12-month contract. What that does is it lets you work with one person as a coach for an entire year. Usually, you meet once a month, but there are situations where you might want to pay for six months of coaching and meet more often. There is flexibility; ask the coach. 

The cost of coaching depends—the average coach charges between $125 to $150 a session for individual coaching. Usually, a session lasts between 40 minutes and 60 Minutes. Of course, there is a range. Ask the coach you’re working with about their costs. 

Most coaches would ask for payment upfront. This is just because coaches often are self-employed, and tracking people down for payment each week is usually an extra amount of time and energy most coaches need. So, the industry standard is that a coach would be paid upfront for their coaching. Of course, many coaches are happy to work with you, so you just have to bring that up with them.

So where do you find a coach? I recommend asking your clergy friends or your larger denomination who they recommend. Recommendations are always helpful; you might try your clergy’s Facebook page if you don’t get a recommendation. You can also, of course, go on Facebook or Instagram and search under hashtags or coaching.

Now, coaching isn’t regulated like therapy or physicians. So, anybody can take an online $15 course and say they are a certified coach. So, you should ask them about their training. 

The gold standard these days is the International Coaching Federation (ICF). They have set standards for education, continuing education, coaching hours, and supervision. There are other great organizations as well that certify people for coaching. You have to ask your coach about their training. Also, once you get a referral, I would explore the coach’s website, Facebook page, and Instagram to get a sense of them. And if that looks good to you and you want to explore it, ask if you can have a phone call with them. Those are always free, allowing you to see if you are a good match. If you are uncomfortable, keep looking for the coach who’s right for you.

If things look good and you want to move forward, a coach will send you a contract with everything spelled out, including confidentiality and payments.

Now, I want to close by saying I never really thought I would be a clergy coach because I was so busy being a clergy, but here I am. I got involved in coaching when I went to work for our denominational office, and I was working with clergy who were doing revitalizations and clergy who were doing new starts, and I want it to be more helpful. So, I started getting some coaching education. I found it a great way to support the next generation of clergy leaders. I’ve continued studying since then and received several certifications, including just this last week. I completed a heck of a test to be a certified professional coach, which is a PCC, and that means I’ve had 125 hours of education and 500 coaching hours. That’s the International Coaching Federation. I’m also certified with The Life Coach School, which has a different way of certification. ‘

Coaching is a great tool to have in your toolbox, and I hope that this episode gives you a better understanding of what coaching is and how it might be a tool to help you in ministry. (Transcript from Episode 37, So What Is a Clergy Coach?)

I love starting new things – especially new things that have a bit of adventure built into them. Starting July 1, I am on a new adventure: Nicole Reilley Coaching and Social Media.

I will be coaching pastors on clergy wellness. And, I will be working with churches on doing their social media. There is so much to learn and figure out – lots of it technology. Looking forward to it all.

Here is some of what I have planned:

+A Weekly Podcast (Clergy Wellness)

+Mindfulness Monday posts

+Wellness Wednesday posts

+Savor Saturday posts

Everything but the podcast will start in June (with the podcast following in July)

So follow me on Facebook and Instagram @NicoleReilleyCoaching.

This week my first book was released! What is it about? Well…..

Are you looking for a resource for digital ministry that is practical and usable no matter your skill level?

I am not a digital native but over the years (and certainly over the last couple of years ) I have learned how to do digital ministry that is doable and that connects with new people.

This resource will give you simple and practical ways to connect and if you have folks who aren’t sure any of this is “worth it” this will build a bridge for them as they look at the future.

Thanks for all your love and support during this project!

Order it here.

My first ministry coach was someone I found on google. I was with her for 15+ years and found so much help as she worked with me through a wonderful church, a terrible church and my starting a house church network.

Currently, I have 2 coaches. One is a pastor of a larger church (he is at a 1000+ member church, the one I serve is a 500 member church) – he is really helpful as I work through COVID, finances, and church growth ideas.

I am also working with a life coach each Monday morning. These times are just for me – I work on my health, my attitude, my dreams. I show up each Monday thinking I have nothing to say only to find that I am learning more about myself each week.

I became a coach in 2015 because of the experiences I have had with coaching. I took 120+ hours of coursework and have over 400 hours of working with others. I know I am more confident, relaxed, and successful because of how others have stood with me. Coaching has made a difference for me and I love helping others.

This spring I take another step in my coaching journey with The Life Coach School – so looking forward to using their tools and resources. Yeah coaching!

One of the things I did this February was take on a 31-day goal. What the goal was isn’t really important….what was important was I met myself in those 31-days.

I don’t often set such short-term goals but this goal was part of a bigger goal and I thought, “if I can accomplish this, I can achieve my bigger goal.”

The 31-days ends next week, but I am pretty sure it will be impossible to accomplish what I set out to do. So why write about it? If it was a 31-day failure, why confess?

Because I am closer to that goal than I would have been without the challenge.

Because I got a chance to notice what I tell myself when I fall short.

Because I got to learn how I might try again and take what I learned with me.

Failure is a great opportunity to learn what doesn’t work and what might work if I tried. Failure got me closer than not trying ever did.

So, I continue to work on my 31-day goal knowing, I may fail but this isn’t where the story ends.

It feels like we have been in the season of Lent for a year. Lent is the 40+ day season in the Christian year we journey with Jesus in his last days. Lent ends with Holy Week, which remembers his death. This year, Lent begins on February 17 and ends on April 3.

It was Lent when COVID-19 shut everything down last year. The church was reading the New Testament together as we wanted to do something to stretch our faith. Now, that seems like a lifetime ago.

No one knew how long things would last or how bad things would get. No one thought we’d be doing online worship without much in-person worship for a year. Yet, this is where we have been. For. A. Year.

Do we really need Lent in 2021 if we had a full year of it in 2020? Not sure. Right now, it feels normal enough. It feels like the changing of the seasons and the progress through winter to spring. But as I look toward tomorrow, I am starting to wonder.

And yet, it ***almost lines up perfectly. Things are getting better (a bit), and people are starting to talk about going back to school and work. We are a bit like Punxsutawney Phil, coming into the light and measuring how much longer the darkness will continue.

When I was a younger pastor, I wished that Christmas only happened every four years but that Easter happened every year. Now that I have made peace with Christmas’ chaos (so much so that I haven’t yet put away my Christmas decorations in my office), I have room for both. Lent and Easter remind us of our mortality, and that death is not the final word.

So, I get ready for Ash Wednesday, socially distanced (of course), and look toward what God will do as we enter into this holy season of Lent. Join me.

Recently I have been working on getting more done in less time. I noticed I was spinning my wheels on social media or Amazon more than I like and I thought, how do I fix this?

The problem wasn’t the social media or Amazon. The problem was my tasks were taking twice as long because of my interruptions. Turns out for every time I jumped on social media to check something I went down a rabbit hole of other posts and videos and when I came back to my task it took a while to get back up to speed. Sound familiar?

Three weeks ago I started using Monday Hour One – the basic premise is: make a list of all your tasks for the week and then put them in blocks on your calendar. Usually what gets a block on my calendar are appointments but my tasks have been those things I have worked to squeeze in between appointments. Now, I take all 30 things I need to do (work tasks like edit film for Sunday, write the message, phone calls, and personal tasks like track food, walk, etc.) and give them a time block on my calendar. What does this do? It makes it very clear what I need to do and how much time I need to do it.

So far I am finding (it’s only week 3): I am getting more done in less time. This has freed me to spend more time relaxing and enjoying myself. And, yes, I do calendar that too.