Lessons from the School of Hard Knocks: 5 Insights for Ministry
As we approach the end of the year, I find myself reflecting on the lessons I’ve learned throughout my 30+ years in ministry. This week, as I coached 11 pastors and church leaders, I was reminded of some truths I’ve picked up along the way. These lessons weren’t always learned easily—some came through the school of hard knocks, others through God’s grace—but all have shaped the way I approach ministry today.
Here are five lessons that I believe will resonate with anyone leading in the local church today.
1. Teach Your Congregation to Appreciate You
Let’s face it: many pastors feel underappreciated. It’s part of the nature of the work. Churches often focus on what’s not working, and pastors can feel like they’re never quite enough—not young enough, experienced enough, caring enough, or strong enough as leaders.
October is Pastor Appreciation Month, but not every church acknowledges it. Some pastors hesitate to bring it up, thinking it’s self-serving. I’ve learned that teaching your congregation to appreciate you is not about inflating your ego—it’s about building a healthier church culture.
Here’s why appreciation matters:
- It strengthens unity. When a congregation comes together to celebrate their pastor, it fosters a positive, supportive culture.
- It recognizes the challenges of ministry. Pastors juggle preaching, counseling, administration, and leadership. Acknowledgment helps congregations see the effort behind the scenes.
- It sets a biblical example. Scripture encourages honoring those who lead (1 Timothy 5:17).
But appreciation isn’t just about words—it’s also about actions. A yearly raise, for example, is a tangible way for churches to show their gratitude. Unfortunately, studies show that women clergy often receive lower salaries than their male counterparts, with disparities that can add up to significant differences over a lifetime. Advocating for fair compensation benefits you and the pastors who will follow you.
Teaching your congregation to value their pastor—both through words and actions—creates a culture of gratitude that benefits the entire church.
2. Always Savor the Good and Make It a Big Deal
Life and ministry can be heavy, and it’s easy to get bogged down in what isn’t working. That’s why it’s crucial to celebrate the good and make it a big deal. Celebrations not only lift spirits but also create momentum and excitement in the church.
I once served a church that grew younger and busier with weddings and baby showers. When someone wondered if the older members were tired of hosting all these celebrations, one senior member quickly replied, “Do you know how much better it is to celebrate weddings and baby showers than funerals?” That perspective stuck with me.
Celebrating the good doesn’t have to be complicated. At the start of the new year, consider dedicating the first four weeks to looking back at God’s work in your church over the past year. Decorate your space, share testimonies during worship, and hold a potluck where people can share what they’re grateful for.
This approach changes the atmosphere of a congregation. I’ve seen it lead to:
- More consistent attendance
- Greater confidence in the church’s mission
- Increased invites and visitors
- A renewed sense of God’s presence
Don’t let the challenges overshadow the victories. Celebrate them—and do it loudly.
3. Money Is (Usually) Not the Issue
Churches often talk about financial struggles, but the real issue is rarely a lack of money. Studies show that many church members tip the church rather than tithe. People often spend more at Starbucks than they give to their church.
So why do financial challenges persist? In my experience, it’s often about:
- Lack of excitement for the ministry.
- Lack of trust in leadership.
- Lack of understanding about the budget’s needs.
- Lack of communication about how funds are being used.
- Lack of acknowledgment of people’s giving.
At one church I served, I sent handwritten thank-you notes with each quarterly giving statement. That small gesture had a big impact—giving increased every year. People want to feel their contributions matter, and a simple “thank you” can go a long way.
If money is tight, ask why. Is it a trust issue? A communication gap? Knowing the real problem frees you to address it effectively.
4. Only You Can Take Care of You
There was a time in my ministry when I acted like a machine, pouring all my energy into serving others while neglecting myself. I learned the hard way that only I can take care of me.
I once spoke with a pastor who had a whole team supporting his well-being: a spiritual director, coach, therapist, food delivery service, and house cleaner. He knew that to serve well, he needed to be well.
Over the years, I’ve built my own “self-care team,” which has included:
- A coach
- Regular massages
- Retreats and quiet time
- A hobbies budget
- Therapy when needed
- Time in my garden
The basics matter too: good sleep, healthy food, and taking vacations. These things aren’t luxuries—they’re essential for long-term ministry.
And let’s be honest: many of us carry guilt about prioritizing ourselves. We tell ourselves, “The church needs me,” or “I don’t have time to rest.” But self-care isn’t selfish—it’s faithful stewardship of the life God has given you.
5. It’s About Progress, Not Perfection
Ministry is full of challenges, and it’s easy to focus on what hasn’t been achieved. But I’ve learned that progress—no matter how small—is worth celebrating.
Sometimes, we set arbitrary goals: 100 in worship, five new families, a balanced budget. When we fall short, we feel like failures, even if we’ve made significant progress.
Here’s the truth:
- If worship attendance grows from 70 to 90, that’s worth celebrating.
- If one new family joins, that’s a win.
I’ve missed opportunities to celebrate progress because I was too focused on perfection. But ministry, like life, is a journey. Ignoring progress won’t get you to your goal faster, but it will make the journey harder.
As the year ends, take time to reflect on the progress you’ve made—in your church, your personal life, and your faith. Celebrate it, and let it inspire you as you look toward what’s next.
Wrapping Up
These lessons from the school of hard knocks have shaped how I approach ministry:
- Teach your congregation to appreciate you.
- Savor the good and make it a big deal.
- Money is (usually) not the issue.
- Only you can take care of you.
- It’s about progress, not perfection.
Next week, I’ll share more insights as we continue preparing for the new year. Until then, take time to reflect, celebrate, and care for yourself. You’ve got this!