The Importance of a Forgiveness Practice

I am not someone who holds grudges – instead, I get angry, get it out and move on.  I learned years ago from my father to look at situations from the other person’s perspective and to think the best of others’ actions.  This practice helps me understand.

But as I have been working on a becoming a Certified Mindfulness Meditation Teacher (I am in a 7-week pre-session before the program begins in 2019), I have found I have some unresolved hurt.  It’s nothing huge, but enough that I have found the practices I am learning insightful.  These are small, 10-15 minute guided meditations, but they work!

In addition to this, I have been working on the idea that we have a “Manual” for everyone.  What is a Manual?  It is the unspoken list of rules and behaviors we expect from each other.  It could be: “remember I like to REALLY celebrate my birthday and if you forget you don’t love me,” or “When I go to sleep at night, you should never keep the light on to read because that is rude.”  Our manuals for one another are often what lead us to becoming hurt.  Our expectations are not met and we recoil in hurt.

I spent some time yesterday reflecting on the Manual I have for someone who disappointed me earlier this year.  I listed all the things I believe he should know and how he should act.  After I made my list I had to laugh.  Such silly stuff that no one could fulfill!

As I think about forgiveness I have to lift up one of my favorite meditation practices:  Loving Kindness Meditation.  It has really changed my heart and softened me toward myself and others.  In the meditation you say words of love and hope to yourself, to those you love, to those you don’t really know, to those with whom you struggle, and “all the people in the world.”  Part of the power of the guided meditation is wishing these good things upon someone with whom you struggle.  I am always surprised at whose face appears – sometimes it is someone from long ago but at times it is a fresh hurt I hadn’t even realized existed.  Lifting up those with whom I struggle is one way I make real Jesus’ call to “pray for our enemies.”

Practicing forgiveness is tool we all need.  Life happens and hurts happen too.  If you want to try out a Loving Kindness Meditation, try:  Loving Kindness Meditation